The Five Stages of Grief: An Intermittent Freeformers Story
by Scorpia3657
Summary: The Hamato Clan is shaken with grief with the loss of their Sensei, and must come to terms with his death in their own way. Shredder has never been mutated into Super Shredder, and the Owari episode never occurred.
1. 1: Isolation

The body was in his laboratory.

Leo had called it Splinter when they'd carried it in and set it across the table, pushing aside the various engineering projects and smearing one of his almanacs with blood (it was alright, he'd already exhausted the information from that one anyway).

He'd said, "We'll put Splinter in here, until we find a place to put him at rest. Donnie, do you know how to prepare him for burial?"

(For some stupid reason, Donatello had nodded, despite the fact that he had no idea how to disinfect or embalm, not to mention he had no access to any of the preservative chemicals.)

But it wasn't Splinter. Donnie had been staring at the broken body, now hidden 'neath a white sheet. Not once had it shared a tidbit of wisdom, or calmed his doubts, or made his reeling mind halt with a suggested mantra. That's what Splinter would have done.

What was in front of him now wasn't his master. It was a lifeless heap of bones and flesh. It was only a body, with no soul inside.

The pain was too much to process, like having a limb amputated, or losing so much blood that the patient went into anaphylactic shock.

Retrain your thoughts. Don't think about that. Think about what needs to be done.

Donnie rebooted the computer, holding back the nausea as he was forced to move aside the head of the deceased to reach the mouse.

Don't think about that.

Click on Chrome.

Search bar. Type in... Japanese burial practices.

Scroll through the options.

'Although Japan has become a more secular society (see Religion in Japan), 91% of funerals are conducted as Buddhist ceremonies...'

Had Splinter really been Buddhist? He hadn't forced any religion upon his sons, but Donnie supposed the meditation techniques resembled usual Buddhist practices. Still, didn't Buddhism require particular objects, or statues, or pictures of Buddha in a household? Perhaps Shintoism was a better definition of the beliefs the rat had imparted.

Donnie had never put much thought into religion. Having the scientific mind he did, he'd always taken a more atheistic view on life. Miracles were simple wonders of science, molecules and elements reacting and combusting and combining.

Now Donatello was unsure. He believed they all had souls, but where did the soul fit into all the logical biology and chemistry? The soul wasn't made up of atoms — it was simply there.

And in the case of his Sensei, where had it gone? Heaven? Nirvana? Elysium? Had it simply ceased to exist, cast into oblivion or molecularly scattered? Or was he there with him as he researched?

The more he thought about it, the more the uncertainty of death plagued him.

Don't think about that.

'The relatives and authorities are informed, and a death certificate is issued. Held as soon as possible after death, a Japanese wake is called a tsuya (通夜 ?), followed by the cremation of the deceased, a burial in a family grave, and periodic memorial service...'

They couldn't cremate him. Not properly, at least.

They had no traditional burial site.

Memorial service? Would he have to plan that too?

Donnie realized his fingers were shaking, typing random letters into the search bar and throwing the server out of whack.

He couldn't do this. He didn't know how to handle the emotions. Emotions weren't controllable, or able to be experimented with, or predictable, especially when the primary feeling was one of grief.

Donatello buried his head in his hands, and suddenly the reality of the situation came crashing down on him. The air was thick with the scent of death, a sickly smell that mixed so terribly with the normal musk of sandalwood and herbal tea emanating from his sensei.

The stench sent him over. Instantly his stomach churned, and he stumbled out of his chair toward the nearest container, which happened to be a half-full beaker of retromutagen.

He lightly convulsed once his body had finished expelling his lunch. Now how was he gonna dispose of that? He'd worry about it later. Right now the sadness and the acid taste of bile were bringing tears to his eyes, and the door was opening.

"Donnie? Are you okay?"

April's eyes were ringed with red as she peered in. Normally he would have rushed to her aid immediately, but the crushing weight of everything was distracting him. Donnie hung his head, shaking his head slightly.

She stepped in and closed the door behind her, closing the distance between them.

"You need to get away from here. It's not healthy for you to be around this right now. You can "

He knew her eyes had wandered to the beaker of unappetizing contents, but his own orbs remained fixed on his feet.

"Donnie, say something."

He said nothing. And then her arms were around him. Embracing him. Hugging him.

Donatello never would've permitted himself to show weakness in front of the girl of his dreams. Especially after what had happened, with Casey. He felt betrayed by her. He wanted to pull away and resume the look of disappointment he'd been giving her for the past month. But sitting there next to the body that was no longer Splinter, feeling like he could melt into a puddle of melancholy in her arms, he allowed a moment of weakness. A tear slipped down his cheek, and he leaned into April, letting his sorrow spill over.

"It's alright," she assured in a whisper as he sobbed, "I'm here."

He knew she wasn't there for him, probably seeking her own comfort when Jones had left to grieve in his own way. She was lonely, and as usual, he was the one she used to keep the loneliness at bay. That's all it was. Just her own sanctuary, a mutualistic relationship initiated to weather her own emotions, not his.

However, at the moment, Donatello didn't particularly feel like being alone either.


	2. 2: Anger

Dead.

Gone.

Never coming back.

He'd already taken out his anger physically. The wrath still showed through in the strewn bed covers and the knocked over drum set, the only thing untouched being the tiny terrarium where he kept his extra terrestrial terrapin companion.

The walls were cement, so no one would tell from the state of them how many times he'd whaled on them, punched and pounded and struck at them. Only his bleeding hands and aching muscles were evidence of his battle with the concrete. A stone faced expression and more bandages on his knuckles would fix it, but it didn't mean the initial reason for the out lash hurt any less.

Dead.

He'd watched his master be hurled off the roof, wondering why he couldn't have willed his broken body to move faster, to save his already ill-fated father. The blades jutting from his back were enough to make him sicken at the very thought of Shredder's knives plunging into Master Splinter's skin.

Raph couldn't look at his lifeless form as the group of teenagers had driven back to the lair. As far as he knew, Splinter's body was still in the Shellraiser, devoid of spirit. He honestly couldn't remember whether his brothers had removed their Sensei. He'd hurried out of the vehicle as soon as they'd returned home, too overpowered by the smell of drying blood and the pall of sadness that he couldn't handle.

Shredder would pay for this. If he had to fight until his own dying breath, Raphael vowed that this cruelty wouldn't go fire inside him that Hamato Yoshi had instructed him to tame for so many years was now too dangerous to contain. He felt like these flames were eating at him, trying to burst out of him, making him want to tear the whole lair apart, not just his bedroom.

Chompy waddled up to Raph's side, purple tongue lolling as he gazed up at his caretaker, completely oblivious to the devastation the Hamatos were undergoing. Raph managed a broken-hearted smile, scooping up the little turtle, running a finger between the small spikes in his carapace and the bumpy scales atop his head.

What were they going to do? April and Casey would eventually be fine. Sure, everyone had their fair share of grieving to deal with, but April at least had a father to go home to, and Casey's family was still there for him. Raph and his brothers were alone. They were four mutants, hideous to the outside world, confined to the sewers and the shadows. And now...now they were orphans. He hated the word, it sounded weak, but he might as well call it as it was. They had no father. No one left. When Splinter's heart stopped beating, he left behind four sons in a world where no one accepted them.

Gone.

The feeling of loneliness crushed him. Raphael bent his head, and for the first time in perhaps years, didn't choke back the sob that escaped him. His eyes shut tight, his crimson mask darkening about the eyes with tears, salt water gathering and then falling silently.

The minutes ticked by, feeling like agonizing hours as he wept to himself, curling up and cradling his pet in his arms to cope with this immense sadness. He forced his broken pieces back together, untying his tear-soaked mask and letting it slip from his fingers to dry, before he had to resume a somewhat hardened demeanor.

Raphael watched Chompy, gurgling curiously as he stood on his hind legs to bump his beak against his nose, eliciting a pained laugh from the mutant. His mind drifted to Slash and the Mutanimals, and Shinigami and Karai, and Igythba, wherever she was amongst the stars.

A voice echoed from the living room, quiet and broken. Mikey, he recognized. Time to go out and see what was going on. And then it was off to plotting revenge.

Raphael inhaled, feeling the oxygen fill his chest to make his plastron rise and fall rhythmically.

Never coming back.

He had to make sure Splinter's memory lived on. First and foremost, Shredder would have to die. But after that... Raphael knew that every person whose life their master had touched would carry on Yoshi's legacy.


	3. 3: Bargaining

Mikey couldn't stop crying.

From the moment Shredder threw Master Splinter from the rooftop, the tears had started and wouldn't end. They'd soaked his mask already, and the stripe of orange hung limp around his neck now as he sobbed into his hands.

What had they done to deserve this? Had they not been good enough students? Had they not been caring enough, or disciplined enough?

No.

Sensei couldn't have disappeared from their lives forever.

Impossible.

Mikey looked up at the doorway in to the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes, willing Splinter to just come in, or pass by. Just a tiny glimpse to assure Mikey that this was all a bad dream.

His hands gripped the edges of the counter, knuckles turning a lighter green as he held onto the granite.

C'mon Splinter, just walk through and I promise I'll be the best ninja ever for you. I won't skateboard in the lair anymore, or blow off training for pizza breaks. I'll give all that up! Just walk in and grab a Cheesicle.

He continued to stare at the doorway.

Splinter didn't come.

Michelangelo began to cry again.

He sank to the floor, leaning his body up against the fridge, hearing Ice-cream Kitty above him, mewling curiously. He wouldn't be the one to break the news to her. Fae would have to do that. Mikey just wanted to watch the doorway until his sensei showed up.

He tilted his face up, looking at the cement ceiling. Finding patterns in the cracks and crevices.

That one looked like Splinter's staff.

That looked like a rat's ear.

The display of cracks near the left corner looked exactly like the time Splinter had introduced him to nunchaku...

Mikey would've done anything to have him back.

He wiped the tears from his cheeks, standing up and ripping the freezer door open. ICK screeched in shock, barely able to register what had happened before Mikey yanked out every hunk of frozen cheese and slammed the door, leaving her in darkness again.

He didn't quite know what he was doing, as he laid out the treats on the counter. All he knew was that if Splinter was coming back from a nasty fight with Shredder like that, he'd be hungry.

"There," he affirmed to himself once the Cheesicles looked fairly presentable.

Mikey glanced around. The kitchen was still in ruins from his last culinary disaster. Splinter hated messes. If he was returning, it shouldn't be to a big catastrophe like this.

The kitchen was spotless now, and the Cheesicles were starting to thaw. Mikey waited by the doorway. Splinter didn't come. He spotted his skateboard from the sliver of the living room he could glimpse.

Mikey frowned. Splinter didn't particularly like skateboarding. Said it took away from training occasionally. The video games too. And the pizza.

Michelangelo hurried out of the kitchen, scooping up his board and the video game cases scattered on the floor. If Splinter was returning, he'd have to be his best. No more distractions. No more messing around. Only keeping his father safe, and being the best ninja in the history of the world, because the best master in the history of the world was teaching him and he had to shape up or Splinter wouldn't come back—

"Mikey! Stop!"

His train of thought crashed. Raph was in front of him, shaking his shoulders. His nose was sniffly, Mikey noticed, and the skin was split open on Raph's hands.

Mikey stepped back, glancing at his skateboard and stack of games and pizza boxes, now at the bottom of the pool of water beneath the tire swing.

"What do you think you're doing?" Raph asked in a rasping voice.

"If I'm better, he'll come back," Mikey deadpanned.

Raph looked away, letting out a brokenhearted sigh.

"He's not coming back, Mikey. There's nothing we can do."

And then Mikey started to cry again, and his brother could do nothing but weep silently with him.


	4. 4: Depression

Faline ran her fingers through her hair. Her body ached, partly because of her recovery from the stab wounds in her side, partly because her heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds.

She was in Leo's bedroom. Captain Ryan stared blankly at her from his place in the Space Heroes poster on the wall, and she stared right back.

She didn't feel like being in her own room. It was still barren, with only a bed and her shoe box of memories from life before she met Leo. It felt lonely in there, and she didn't want to wallow in loneliness in the middle OF loneliness.

What luck, right?

She lost her mother and father to a car accident. Her brother to drugs. And now Splinter to the merciless blades of Shredder.

Fae wondered how long the world would continue to torture her, ripping away the ones she loved. What cruel whim did the universe have prepared for her next? Kill off her boyfriend too?

She closed her eyes, tears slipping from beneath her lids. A world without Leo was a world she refused to imagine. But she was at her wit's end. Just when she'd begun to become secure, to look at Splinter as a kind of father, he was murdered.

Would this be what her life consisted of? Loved ones going too soon? Happiness being dragged away by more death?

She wished the comforter would swallow her up in an avalanche of down feathers. Her head felt filled with fluff. Her limbs were heavy, and moving a finger took so much effort she wondered how she'd even be able to get up and walk out.

That was what she did best: recover.

Leo had said she should pride herself on it. "A person who can return from any blow isn't capable of being held back."

But the world had thrown so much crap at her, and Faline had considered whether recovering was really worth while anymore. It was easier to just remain on this mattress, sleep away the days, and become detached. Detachment meant no pain. Only silence, and thinking and rethinking your life, perhaps imagining what might have happened if one thing had changed.

Like today, for example. Fae wondered if Master Splinter might still be here, had she remained convinced that staying home, away from battle, wasn't the best thing for her right now.

If she had gotten off her lazy ass, forced her soreness into submission, and aided on that mission, would she have been able to succeed where the others had failed?

No.

Even if the odds had turned out in their favor, the universe had twisted ways of ensuring everything happened the way it was destined to be. Master Splinter was destined to die, Fae supposed. And she was destined to remain constantly in limbo, battling the storms of life alone. For if anyone happened to become close to her, it seemed as if their stay was only temporary.

Master Splinter wasn't here to comfort her, or distract her with meditations and training sessions. He was dead.

She still remembered the thing he'd taught her that very morning. Despite his complete lack of knowledge on the subject, he'd somehow been able to instruct Fae on her Freeforming.

Half transformations. She'd worked her way up to obtaining only her tails, ears, and teeth that came with her leopard form, but remained relatively human apart from that.

It had been a great accomplishment. They'd parted in celebration, and anticipation of tomorrow's lesson.

Little had they know there wouldn't be a tomorrow. At least, not for Splinter.

God, the Freeformers. And Ōkami. Sensei had only learned of his supposed half-sister a week ago. He'd retreated into silence, but in the end had smiled and told his family he was grateful another member of the Hamato Clan had survived.

Assuming she had survived. Fae didn't know if her dream of the forsaken daughter of Hamato Yutan was of a ghost, or an actual being. What if she was already dead? What if the only person left who knew anything about Ōkami, or the history of the clan, or why Faline was like this...was Shredder.

She hadn't noticed the small whimpers escaping her. Captain Ryan's unrelenting glare seemed condescending now. He seemed to be saying, 'Pull yourself together, cadet! We've got a galaxy to protect!'

Poor Leo, she thought. Fae knew how much she meant to him, but her boyfriend had always revered his sensei. With Splinter gone, he was the official leader of the team, of the clan.

That struck her. She sat upright, her injured side sending a warning through her pain sensors.

Leonardo needed help. If he was going to run this family and help find these Freeformers to destroy Shredder, like the prophecy predicted, he surely didn't need a sullen girlfriend for support. He needed strength and stability more than ever. Faline definitely had grown tired of recovering from one blow after another, but to protect him, she'd do anything.


	5. 5: Acceptance

"Master, what do I do?"

Leonardo's eyes remained fixed on the bark of the tree in the dojo. He'd meditated for hours on end, but his heart hadn't stopped pounding. His eyes had remained closed, but the image of his sensei's broken body on the pavement in front of him plagued him even then.

He was the Sensei now. The master of the Hamato Clan. Yoshi's successor. Big shoes to fill, huge ones in fact. Ginormous boots Leo was now being forced to walk in.

His brothers were counting on him. He'd always led them into battles, but Master Splinter's guidance had always been behind each and every move he made.

He remembered the isolation and loneliness emanating from every member as they rode home, too dumbfounded and heartbroken to speak.

He recalled the seething hatred that had burned inside him, watching his nemesis slay his master before his very eyes.

Leo's mind had been racing, trying to figure out how this had happened, foolishly searching for some solution, some way out of this mess they found themselves in.

He still felt the lingering depression of everyone in the lair, as they dragged themselves into privacy to mourn.

Now he was here, unsure of how to let go and where to begin.

"Master, what do I do?" he repeated once more, knowing Splinter would never answer.

Master Splinter was dead. Gone. Never coming back. His body was in Donnie's laboratory. There was nothing they could do. Leo needed to pull himself together. He had a family to protect.

The best thing he could do was pick up the pieces and try to put their aching hearts back together.

"Leo?"

Leonardo looked up, greeted by the sight of a sobbing Mikey, leaning on Raph's shoulder as the two entered the dojo, the youngest's shoulders shaking as he wept. Raph looked barely able to keep himself together, let alone hold up his brother's weight.

"I didn't know what else to do," he muttered, staggering forward and letting Mikey slip to his knees beside the leader.

"C'mere, bro," Leo coaxed, throwing an arm around Mikey and pulling him into a hug, his youngest brother shuddering with each sob that racked his body.

Raph sank to the floor beside them, staring at the shelf of memories before him, his fists balled, but his eyes soft and red with tears.

"Guys?"

The three turned, greeted by the sight of the genius at the screen door of the dojo. His hands shook, and he looked pale, swaying with what might've been nausea.

"April left." Donatello's shoulders slouched at the very mention of her name. "Went to go find Casey."

He shut his eyes, hanging his head and trying not to sniffle. Leo's heart was weighed down that much more. Love's heartbreak and Death's loss. It was doubly on Donnie. He motioned for the svelte terrapin to come near, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder when D knelt behind Mikey.

There was nothing but an occasional crackle from the flickering candles on the shelf and muted crying. Eventually both sounds were joined by quick, soft foot falls, and then Faline was beside him, taking hold of his other hand and leaning a head on his shoulder.

"I'm here for you," she whispered, low enough for no one else to hear. Leo could hear the brokenness in her voice, but her words lifted his heart in the slightest.

There was much to do. The mourning could last only so long. He needed to strategize a way out of this war, for good. Shredder had to die. And according to Ōkami Yamada, the Freeformers would be the ones to do that.

Leo held Fae close, wondering how it was possible for her to become more precious to him everyday. He glanced down at Mikey, still whimpering against his plastron, hoping his carefree smile would return. One look at Raph had him praying for some of that fiery temper, just so he could witness that much passionate motivation and gain some of his own. Leonardo knew how much Donatello was undergoing, and he vowed to help him as much as he could.

This was what being Sensei meant. Seeing the light in the darkness. Hoping for the best for his pupils. Putting the pieces back together. Accepting the fate, and at the same time fighting to create a better future for his clan.

Leonardo sighed, gazing up at the photograph of Tang Shen and Hamato Yoshi, holding their newborn daughter. He smiled, seeing his father's warm gaze in every picture of him now decorating the shelf.

Then he spoke quietly, promising his new students — lover and brothers alike: "Everything will be alright."


	6. Author's Note

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="37be0c0124c2dcff6bd3520b87d8fa87"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Hello, lovelies!/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b47ebe5a6e54056dd571a92e0d935058"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"I know, depressing story. But it ended on a good note, yeah?/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2bd006ac64e19a9aed99c5bb541cdbb0"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Anywho, the new book is approaching! Find my next book, The Genius Set Me Free, to see what the fate of Faline and the Freeformers will be, and who this Vienna Bardi is?/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="84382a01ce8e76e9553d029e56352a4f"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Read The Genius Set Me Free, be kind to each other, and BOOYAKASHA!/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0e8fa978db050f2d6e34013da9a49f3d"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"~Adelaide/span/p 


End file.
